Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
