This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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