speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
