Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
