Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
