My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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