I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Welp...herpes.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
