What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
