It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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