I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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