I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
