you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
