Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
