I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
