It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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