you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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