He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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