shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
