it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
