Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
