drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
