I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
