i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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