Apparently you make a good broom.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
