i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
