I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
