maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
