I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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