Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
