I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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