carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
