Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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