My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
