this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
