A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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