another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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