Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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