Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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