Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
At least make sure they are 18
Why
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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