she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
