It's a beautiful day for a hangover
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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