My hand turned me down
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
