I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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