She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Still dying that you shit outside
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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