Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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