Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
