I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
