Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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