Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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