I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
