i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Farmville is her only friend.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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