he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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