I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
