I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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