The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
