The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
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