conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
