Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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