I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You have to summon your inner elephant
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
