Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think my fart just growled at me.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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