I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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